The girls had a GREAT day today. Faven got out of school early since our High School girls basketball team made it to State Semi-finals! I took the entire crew to the college that my husband teaches at for LUNCH!! This was crazy, but fun! Of course, I gave them 'the talk' before we went in. It went something like.."This is not a playground, so there will be no running. There will be many of Daddy's students in here, so show them what big girls you are..." Nathan and Derek were adamantly shaking their heads in agreement! They REALLY wanted their sisters to be good!! They were!
Afterwards, we came home and hung a collage of pictures in the girls room. This collage contained pictures of our trip to Ethiopia. Specifically, it had pictures of John, Kayla and I with Faven and Diborah meeting with their birthmom.
You see, I have been reading a book called "Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child". I think that many of the points in the book could be controversial, but one thing that I agree with is that we, as adoptive parents need to talk openly about our adopted child/ren's past. This is an extremely important part of their lives!! We cannot forget, erase, or dismiss this!
So, last weekend, when Faven was having a particularly difficult day, I decided to use what I've learned. I asked her, "Do you miss your Ethiopian mommy?" She said, "Yes, why doesn't she come here to see me? I want her to come here!" I know that it is so hard for her, because she loves her new family, but misses her Ethiopian mommy! She wants her to come HERE.
I explained to her that her Ethiopian mommy loves her VERY much and would come if she could, but 'remember that loooooong plane ride?' We are very far away.
Then, we decided to look at pictures. The first pictures that we took of our meeting with their birthmom was of her crying. I explained that she was very sad because she would miss her daughters very much because she loved them. By the end of the meeting, their birthmom was hugging me (Faven's favorite picture) and smiling and laughing. I explained to Faven that her Ethiopian mommy was happy because she liked us and she knew we would love Faven and Diborah and give them a good home. Faven smiled and hugged me! This melted my heart!!!
We made a collage of those pictures and hung them in her room....above her bed. She has never gone to bed so willingly and quietly!!!
So...adoption is not without loss...it is not without pain! But, there can still be happiness!!!
I love my girls!!
10 comments:
Crying. So much for these little ones to process. You are such a great parent and because of that it will make processing it easier.
A great post. And a great job mom! I just finished that book too and I agree w/ your assessment overall...it had some very good points too. And this shows how important they are. Good job! I'm glad for this, for you! I'm taking notes..... Love M
Great post. I love the collage idea. It's great that Faven can talk to you about her Ethiopian mom. I need to get that book.
What a sweet post. Kuri wants her birthmother to come and show me how to cook pasta.
I read on Rebecca's blog that you'll be at the Gladney dinner. Can't wait to meet you guys and reunite the girls!!
Blessings,
Debbie
Sorry we missed you guys! But, Eli and I will see you at the GLadney Dinner on Wednesday. Can't wait!
Praying for you in all the happy and tough days!
You did a wonderful job helping Faven with her feelings. Hard stuff, and you acknowledged it and let them share freely. Our twins had the same requests, basically starting at 3 months home, wanting birth mom HERE. When birth mom died after they were here 4 months, we had some new conversations.
It was so good to meet you and your beautiful family last night! It was so fun to watch Diborah and Faven, knowing our kids will be home soon. I, too, hope we can get the kids together sometime.
Hope your family had a great spring break!
I know that must have been an emotional conversation to have with Faven. I know that it must have been an emotional meeting with their birthmom. It is a fine balance between what has been sacrificed and what has been given, a fine balance between the sadness and happiness. It's tough but you are doing so right by the girls to talk about it, to allow them to talk about it, to have those pictures. It is easy to see why Faven's favorite would be of the two of you hugging.
It was so great to see you all in person. I often found myself looking at your family and smiling. It was comforting to know that you were in the same room. Perhaps one day we will have a chance to talk longer.
Rebecca
How awesome that you got to meet their biological mommy. I know that must have been very hard but so very rewarding. I would love to have had that opportunity with Ruby and Elizabeth. It's hard to imagine being the "other mom" and wondering if your children are happy and have a good life. Having to let your kids go so they can survive is something we could never imagine.
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