The past several months have been full of 'not so good' changes.
I've blogged about some very good times my family has had in the past 2 years since the girls have come home. But, I would be lying if I said that there haven't been many, many days of unbearable challenges that came along with the adoption. So much stress, so little understanding, so little support, anxiety, depression, anger, regret, hopelessness, loneliness, failure, guilt, behavior issues, educational issues. On and on....some days better, almost normal, somedays worse.
November of last year=doomsday. As if the stress of the past two years wasn't enough, on that November day, my husband lost his job. Reason: violation of company policy. Our adoption was very public, our fundraising for the orphans in Ethiopia involved our community, we made the front page of our local newspaper when we were honored as angels in adoption by our congressman, SO....needless to say, the disruption in my husband's job and our marriage wasn't so private either.
The next blow....two weeks after doomsday, I received a call from my dad that my mom wasn't doing so well. I drove the 10 hour trek alone to be with her. One sleepless night after another ended one week later when my mom passed away. As painful as it was, I can look back and think how beautiful it was that all four of her children surrounded her on her hospital bed, my dad standing close by. Also, 7 of her 9 siblings were there with many members of their families. I hugged her tight and told her that we were all there, we all loved her very much and that it was ok to go as she took her last breath. I miss her terribly.
Stevie Nicks had this to say about her song "Landslide".....
"I realized then that everything could tumble, and when you're in Colorado, and you're surrounded by these incredible mountains, you think avalanche. It meant the whole world could tumble around us and the landslide would bring you down. And a landslide in the snow is like, deadly."
Changes....changes are hard!! We build our lives around certain perceptions of reality, not thinking that it could all fall apart and come crashing down around us at any moment. I don't want to get stuck here. I don't want to wallow in self-pity and despair. This is a choice I have to make every day.....
